Divinely Guided

There was a time that I felt like I was drowning. Sinking into darkness finding it more and more difficult to breathe. Like a weight was pulling me down, keeping me down, making me feel stuck. My life’s sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, abandonment, fear, and self loathing kept me in bed for days and even weeks. I came close to ending it all when I was a lonely and lost teen. I would often ask myself, would anyone even miss me if I were gone? I felt invisible, silenced, and unloved. As I look back today, I know that this is not true but when I was in the depths of my despair, I could not see the light.

Then I left home quite abruptly at 21 not speaking to my mom for a whole year. I lied about being in school after dropping out and felt so ashamed. I ran! I left the pain of my past and went full speed ahead into further destructive behaviours. I was a sucker for punishment.

Then, I met my love❤️ He loved me for me. I didn’t know this way, it was new and weird and uncomfortable but I fell hard. I was obsessed and proceeded to scare him away for the next 9 years until I packed my bags, broke up with him and went in search of a relationship with my bio dad in Malaysia.

After 6 months I missed my love far too much and the rejection from my bio dad broke my fragile heart. I came home feeling wounded.

Our love story continued and after 26 years of being together I can say today that opening up and receiving this kind of unconditional love, sparked the light within me to love myself. To see within me what he held so closely to his own heart. I have someone who I can share my deepest darkest pain with and shine my light brightly with.

Romantic, intimate, friendship, family, whatever it is, find that one person. It’s all you really need. When we feel heard and held in our pain, we can begin to release and heal. Its about connection and love.

Sending you warm light and love